I'm Chris Barrett, I'm 27 years old and I live in Cardiff. Simple right?....Wrong. I work for Lloyds TSB doing continuous business improvement. Even after I explain my job I can still see blank bemused expressions, so I'll save you that. It's a job that I enjoy, and I love my team - they make it, what a strange bunch of rejects we are, all of us a odd in different ways.
Before Lloyds I was a mess, and to a certain degree I still am, I lacked discipline in my life, I dropped out of uni in the second year, don't let that fool you though I was repeating the first year. Film and video was a course (In Caerleon) that I initially thought that I would love, but a combination of partying and an uncompromising lecturer pretty much put the shitters on that.
After dropping out of Uni I fell back on the bar jobs that had somewhat distracted me from the uni work that I was supposed to be doing, plus a student loan can buy a fuck load of clothes when you're earning money and your mum is paying your rent on the place that you live (under the illusion that I'm still studying), no council tax to pay and you leave the bond to cover the bills after you leave. Bar work was fun and somewhat illicit at times, working in the sketchiest old mans pub smack bang opposite the millennium stadium is as an awesome way to waste a year of your life. Some simple rules had to be adopted though:
After dropping out of Uni I fell back on the bar jobs that had somewhat distracted me from the uni work that I was supposed to be doing, plus a student loan can buy a fuck load of clothes when you're earning money and your mum is paying your rent on the place that you live (under the illusion that I'm still studying), no council tax to pay and you leave the bond to cover the bills after you leave. Bar work was fun and somewhat illicit at times, working in the sketchiest old mans pub smack bang opposite the millennium stadium is as an awesome way to waste a year of your life. Some simple rules had to be adopted though:
- No drinking before 12.
- Only drink halves.
- Never put your foot in any holes in the cellar which don't look like they have a bottom.
- Barflys are the enemy and should be killed on sight.
- If you can - sit down, if you can get away with it - even better.
- The regulars are to be treated with contempt at all time, they like it.
- Try and ban at least one person a month, even if it's not even that bad.
Women - In my life I've had a fair few relationships, some good, mostly bad, but hey that's relationships for you. I wouldn't say i'm a bad boyfriend, i can be cold, distant, snappy,jealous and a little paranoid from time to time. Although i think that's just stereotypical male behaviour for you really. On the transpose though I'm selfless, loving, clean, and not afraid to show emotion/get in touch with my feminine side.
I'm not going to go into names or anything, but just some passing observations from my encounters with relations (i love bullet points)
- Short = Crazy. 5' 2" and below.....Do Not Go!!!! They're just nuts, they'll chuck themselves off bridges, try slitting their wrists down the telephone, say they've got cancer, get you evicted from your house and watch you whilst you sleep.
- The drama will never end, if there is drama at the beginning there will be drama all the way through that bitch.
- Leos are dead inside.
- 50/50 is never 50/50
- If you are going to argue your girlfriend be prepared, run through a list in your head otherwise you will get owned, they remember evertime they have to wipe wee off the toilet seat.
- You can't save them from themselves albeit mental health, alcoholism or any other instability, don't be a hero... Run!
- If either party cheats: Just finish it, save yourselves months of hate and paranoia.
I'll save you the rest for another time, next week probably where i will scratch the surface some more.
